I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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