is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Dick very happy bro
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
