If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
