Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
