Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Randomize