next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
