I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
