who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
