I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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