The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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