He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
she told me i tasted like america
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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