this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Randomize
