the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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