when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
