I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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