I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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