while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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