dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
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