I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
i out mim tonsoeep
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
