Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
