i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
