it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
