i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize