The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
