Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
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