Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
