I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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