but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
