It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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