I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
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