make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
