I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
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