Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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