I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Acid is not a monday night drug
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
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