She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
