Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
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