i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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