I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
