My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
