well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I think your dad took our porno
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
