He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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