is your mom at the bar?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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