you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Randomize
