you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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