Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
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I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
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Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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