mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Randomize
