I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I think weed is turning my hair brown
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
