Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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