My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Randomize
