Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
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Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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