How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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