I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
love makes seman taste better
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
