and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize
