hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
i drank out of a bidet.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Randomize
