hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Randomize
