Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
