Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
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