i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
