i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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