i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
