wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
I use my feet as sexual weapons
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
