i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
