They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Randomize
