Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
