Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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