she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I have demons in me.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
