We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
