I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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