i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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