I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
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