so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
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We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
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My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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