shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
