That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
