Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
