You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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