youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
