girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
