I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
