She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
