i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
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