Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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