You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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