so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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