I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
